A Match Both Teams Deserved To Lose, But United Have More To Think About

Chelsea and Manchester United bored us to death on Sunday evening. What was touted as a showdown between the Premier League's two best sides, a title-decider if you will, turned out to be the poorest game on show this weekend, a classic anti-climax to a game hyped up like no other throughout the week.

Chelsea have been top dogs in the league so far, with all their players having been together for a number of years now. Players like Terry, Lampard, Anelka, Drogba, Cole etc are all at their peak, and with Ancelotti's much talked-about Diamond formation firmly in place, the Blues have banished the disappointments of last season, and moved forward.

United, on the other hand, were written off by many after they sold off Cristiano Ronaldo and Carlos Tevez in the transfer window, without really replacing the quality and magic they brought to the side. They're always in the hunt for the title, at least when Fergie's around, but when pundits remark that "United might fancy a draw, or even nick a win", you know that this isn't the strongest Red Devils side you will see.

It was still a game that interested fans and neutrals alike, but by the time the final whistle blew, you had endured one of the most painfully boring matches played between these two teams in a long time. Even the Blackburn Rovers - Portsmouth game saw more absorbing moments, if you talk about attacking football, and that's really saying something. The top two of English football failed to create anything memorable on the pitch, with the most entertaining moment being that of Johnny Evans bringing down Ricardo Carvalho, which resulted in kind of a coming-together of both teams near the center circle. What a shame.

Chelsea will be delighted with the result, although realizing at the same time that they will need to play better against the big teams to get their hands on silverware this season. Ancelotti's four-man midfield of Deco, Lampard, Ballack, and Essien hardly got into their groove, as United packed the midfield with five men, three of them more industrious than creative. Carletto will know that the the three points are a huge bonus, as his side did nothing to warrant them, and sneaked through thanks to a setpiece.

The Blues possess a far more potent attack than Manchester United. On their day, that midfield, combined with the pace of Anelka, and brute strength of Didier Drogba, can destroy opponents, but United kept them at bay. Deco was stifled, Lampard couldn't create any openings, while Evans and Brown did a good job on Drogba. However, to say that United put in an excellent performance, is stretching it a bit too far.

If football was all about defending, then yes, United were excellent. If it was about trying to keep a clean sheet, then yes, they were excellent. If it was about earning a point at your title rival's home ground, then yes, they indeed were excellent. However, the way I see it, that's not what Manchester United are about, and that's not what they should be about either.

The fact of the matter is, neither Chelsea nor Manchester United deserved to win this game. And if at all it were possible, both should have lost. While Chelsea's otherwise dangerous attacking force was neutralized by United's midfield, Fergie's wards were completely toothless in attack, something United fans are sadly coming to terms with.

With no Ronaldo and Tevez, United are now heavily reliant on Ryan Giggs to turn back the clock every game, especially when up against a decent side. Giggs did just that against Arsenal and City, but misfired here, and there went United's hopes of conjuring anything of note in the final third. Valencia comes off as a very mediocre winger by United's standards, and even though he has done well in fits and starts this season, he's a far cry from his predecessor in that role.

Anderson, Carrick, and Fletcher ran all over the pitch, not allowing Chelsea to play their game, and did a wonderful job. Amidst all this, was one man, Wayne Rooney, who worked his socks off like never before, and was the best player on the park. However, even the opportunities that he created for himself or his teammates were mostly from outside the box, and more half-chances than anything else.

So while many pundits have been bandying about how United put in a "stellar" performance, and were "robbed" of a draw, Sir Alex will know that he has other problems, real problems. He knows deep inside that it wasn't the kind of attacking performance expected of his team, something which, worryingly, has become more and more of a habit in the last few weeks.

Ferguson has once again turned all the focus to the referee, as he always does, but United cannot complain too much. Would Wes Brown, who went down a little too easily, have prevented the goal if he was on his feet? Highly doubtful. Was Van Der Sar really distracted by Drogba? He seemed to have given up the moment the ball deflected off Terry's head. The foul wasn't one, although it was clumsy, but United should have tried to create a goal before or after Chelsea went up rather than focus on the referee.

I've always believed one thing. You cannot complain about losing a football match if you don't score a goal. Or at least, you cannot complain about losing if you haven't created a single clear-cut chance all game. Maybe they can look at it as bad luck catching up with them, after how they beat Arsenal and Manchester City earlier in the season.

Chelsea were poor too, but they know that they can step it up against sides who don't defend as well as United do, and they have done that in recent weeks. Chelsea were untroubled in defence, and the fans were so relaxed, that one gentleman was brushing his teeth in the front row as Salomon Kalou was coming on to the pitch (Do catch that video on the internet)!

As for United, they have to dig deep to find a way to increase their attacking threat. It's all too dependent on Rooney and Giggs at the moment. Maybe Owen needs to be given a few more starts, maybe Anderson needs to play a more attacking role. Or maybe, Obertan is the man who can provide that "spark" to their season.

That's the difference between Manchester United of last season and this. It was belief last term. This season, it's hope.

Ten Things Different About Arsenal This Season

Also published here.

1) Half Vidic, Half Keown

Ver-ma-what? Twenty three years old? 5'11" ? All questions of the past, as the Belgian has taken to the Premier League like that old duck took to water. Not only has he formed an impressive partnership with a rejuvenated William Gallas, but is also topping the Arsenal goalscoring charts. Many have likened the "Verminator" to Manchester United center half Nemanja Vidic, more for his appearance, or even his "stare", but overall, the lad's more like a modern, Belgian Martin Keown. Not the best defender technically, but like Keown, more than makes up for it with a lot of heart and "bottle", as the English call it.

2) We Like Eboue-Boue, We Like Eboue-Boue!

That's not me speaking on behalf of Goal.com, it's a new chant doing the rounds at the Emirates, to the tune of "I like to move it move it"! Emmanuel Eboue has seen it all during his Arsenal career, from being touted as one of the best up-and-coming defenders in the world, to being booed, called a misfit, and a cheater. However, after a string of impressive performances in 2009, Eboue has become a cult figure of sorts in North London, and is hugely popular among his teammates as well, and if you notice, is always involved in every Arsenal goal celebration when he's on the pitch.

3) Arsenalization

Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. The complaint for the last three seasons was that while the Emirates Stadium was a fantastic, modern structure, it wasn't "home" enough for the Arsenal fans, like Highbury was. So under the stewardship of CEO Ivan Gazidis, the stadium was "Arsenalized". The idea is to decorate the exterior and interior of the ground with past moments of glory, and with players who did the club proud. The question is, when will and of the current squad get up on the walls of the stadium?

4) Ro-sick-y Steps Out Of The Treatment Room

It must have been like one of those scenes where a convict sees daylight after 15 years in prison, when Tomas Rosicky finally got off the treatment table, and made it to the ground. Rosicky is a class act in midfield, and his quality and experience is what Arsenal have missed immensely over the last year and a half. One of the "old" players at Arsenal at 29, his experience will come in handy this season for the Gunners.

5) Senderos Isn't Sent Away

Phillipe Senderos means a lot more to Arsenal than just another center back. He's their official translator. And by official, I mean unofficial. On a more serious note, he speaks six languages. That's right, six! English, French, Spanish, German, Italian, and Portuguese, and according to a few highly placed sources at the club, he's learning Bengali to keep up with the other translators in this fast, unforgiving world. Maybe he could help someone like a Subrata Paul settle in at Arsenal, soon?

6) Formation Working Wonders

Arsene Wenger thought long and hard during the summer on what to change about his squad. He never liked spending money, and didn't want to bring seasoned campaigners to play ahead of his kids, so he changed the whole darn system. It has almost proved to be a masterstroke, in the sense that Arsenal are finally recreating some of their magic up front, which we haven't seen since 2006. Some of their play against Blackburn was their best in the last two or three seasons. The only danger remains injuries in defensive positions, and if Cesc goes missing.

7) Cesc Is All Smiles

Fabregas looked a shadow of himself last season. He hardly shaved throughout the campaign, and looked morose most of the times. Not surprising, if most of your best friends leave the club after a season in which you almost won the league title. Moreover, he seemed slightly burdened with captaincy, and looked a little lonely. Although the stubble's still there, the Spaniard looks a lot happier with his role in midfield this time around, and with players like Arshavin, Rosicky, and Vermaelen playing regularly, he looks happy and is back to his best, notching up a staggering four assists in a single game against Blackburn. And yes, he scored in that game too.

8) Don Vito Makes An Offer You Can't Resist

Well, it's not just about Vito Mannone, but more about two young 'keepers, Mannone and Szczesny, making their mark at the club, giving Wenger a plethora of options in goal. Almunia has been disappointing since the season began, and with Fabianski injured, the two young lads have come in and put in some great performances, none more so than Mannone at Craven Cottage, where he single-handedly won Arsenal the game. When was the last time Arsenal's goalkeeper won them a match on his own? That question makes you think, and eventually realize that Almunia, despite being a solid and steady goalie, isn't the kind who will win his team matches.

9) "Sylvester" Can't Get A Game

Probably one of the biggest factors in Arsenal's good form this season. Mikael Silvestre was a disaster at the Emirates last term, so much so that one shareholder described him as "geriatric" at the end of the season at the AGM. Many Arsenal fans are still living in the fear of him starting a league or Champions League game for the club, which hasn't happened thus far as Vermaelen and Gallas have done well. With the taller, quicker, but equally error-prone Senderos waiting in the wings as well, it'll be interesting to see who Wenger calls on when injury strikes.

10) A Big Squad!

Probably the most surprising of all, Wenger has amazing depth in his squad this season, barring just one position, that in defensive midfield. With three playing up front, he can choose from any of Van Persie, Bendtner, Eduardo, Arshavin, Rosicky, Walcott, Nasri, Vela, Wilshere and even Eboue at times. Both fullbacks, centre backs, and the goalkeeper have sufficient cover, whereas two out of the three midfielders can be any of Fabregas, Denilson, Diaby, Rosicky, Nasri, and Ramsey. Which leaves us to the lonely Alex Song, who is living a charmed life at the moment. If he is unfit, Wenger will have problems, which means that he will have to buy in January, when Song merrily trots off to Africa for the African Cup of Nations.

Chelsea Will Emerge Stronger, On The Pitch

Also published here.

Fans of Arsenal, Liverpool, and Manchester United have been on a high since FIFA's DRC made resolved the latest dispute to have caught their attention.

Chelsea's punishment for illegally prizing away youngster Gael Kakuta from RC Lens doesn't really have a precedent at this level, but a ban from signing new players for over a year is a severe punishment, no matter what the offence. Not that what Chelsea have done can be justified, not at all. If Chelsea have indeed acted illegally, and it seems so, as even the club's official statement didn't deny the accusation, they ought to receive a punishment stringent enough to ensure such instances are never repeated.

However, Chelsea fans will protest if they are indeed the first ones to "bend the rules" to land a young player, and they're probably right. European heavyweights are now notoriously known to poach youngsters from academies of small clubs around the world, with clubs like Arsenal, Manchester United, Real Madrid, AC Milan, Barcelona and the like all involved in the practice for a number of years now. It is also highly naive to believe that this is the first instance of a club landing any youngster illegally, so Chelsea fans are justified in some ways to be hard done by.

Their complaints, although on a much larger scale, are somewhat analogous to Arsenal fans' cries for the past week or so after Uefa decided to ban Eduardo for simulation.

Was he the first one? Definitely not.

Then why him? It has to begin from somewhere.

Both sets of fans are enraged with football's two largest governing bodies, although, like earlier mentioned, Eduardo missing two group games and Chelsea missing two transfer windows are on two very different things.

One point that even Chelsea have made in their statement, is the severity of the punishment. The monetary sanctions are hardly the bone of contention here. Ironically, it's the fact that the Blues wont be able to spend any money on players till January 2011, which is the problem. Platini, Blatter and co. have been talking for a while now, about how youngsters must remain with their parent clubs till the age of 18, and an official ruling is also not too far away, so they have not taken to this incident kindly. One might not be off the mark in saying that FIFA wouldn't have imposed the same punishment on Real Madrid or AC Milan if they had been found guilty of the same offence, but that's hypothetical, and best not got into.

Chelsea, as they've pointed out, will mount a "strongest possible appeal", which will be heard by the Court of Arbitration for Sport, based in Lausanne, Switzerland, the same body that ordered Adrian Mutu to pay 17 Million Euros to Chelsea. The CAS has since stated that any decision the court comes to will take about three months, with a Mid-December date said to be most likely. Also, if CAS indeed comes to a decision different from FIFA's, it will overrule the latter's ruling, therefore giving hope to Chelsea.

But what about Chelsea? Will they be able to handle this mess? On the pitch, yes. Off the pitch, not so sure.

The Blues have over the years accumulated some high-quality players, who have shown year after year that they are committed to the club. Lampard, Terry, Cole, Cech, Essien, Drogba, Ballack are all players in their prime, and players who are, at least at the moment, fully committed to winning trophies with the London outfit. They are already being touted as the best team in England this year, which obviously means that the squad is big enough, and strong enough, to challenge on all fronts.

One look at the players who are not regulars in the starting eleven at the moment, and you will see the likes of Joe Cole, Malouda, Ivanovic, Alex, Zhirkov, Ferreira, Sturridge, Belletti. All quality players, those, capable of walking into the starting XI’s of most teams across Europe. Among the younger crop, Di Santo, Stoch, and Sinclair are all on loan, while a certain Gael Kakuta must now be itching to prove himself, at least he should be.

Carlo Ancelotti has inherited the strongest squad in England, and is beginning to have an impact on the players, the style of play, and the dressing room in general. With Manchester United and Liverpool having been weakened since last season, and Arsenal still not mature enough, Chelsea are overwhelming favourites this season and will be competitive enough the next, whether they're allowed to buy, or not. In other words, if you've put money on Chelsea, don't let this ruling change your mind.

It is off the pitch, though, that Chelsea look the most suspect. They’ve never impressed anyone with the way the club has been run since Abramovich came down to England with his millions, and this development is another huge blow, to the club’s prestige, goodwill, and the way it’s perceived in the footy-following public all over the world. This will also bring the spotlight right onto the Blues’ youth academy, which has been oft criticized for not producing quality players after the turn of the century.

Peter Kenyon and Frank Arnesen have a lot of answering to do, as this is not the first time the Blues have been said to be involved in dealings not completely above board. Ashley Cole was infamously “tapped up” in 2005, and a BBC report in 2006 also showed Arnesen offering a 15-year old Middlesbrough youngster a substantial fee to move to Chelsea. The London club are not in a stable financial condition as well, as they still don’t make operating profits, and owe a large chunk of their debt to Roman Abramovich.

Just when one thought things were sailing smoothly at Stamford Bridge, and that there was a lack of controversy at the club, FIFA dropped this bombshell. But expect Chelsea, in their typical way, to emerge stronger out of this crisis, at least on the pitch. There’s a high chance that the club becomes a tightly knit unit as a result of these events, and as far as the squad is concerned, no one should have any doubts about their quality whatsoever. If anything, this ban might just save Chelsea from some unnecessary spending.

Doubts, and there are some, are all related to the offices at Stamford Bridge, where a lot will be going on in the next three months, and only time will tell if they mend their ways and run the club in a slightly better manner, once this has blown over. The club’s image has been severely tarnished, and not many could explain the situation better than a Chelsea fan I know, who confessed:

It is things like this which make me not want to be a Chelsea fan. But then I see Lampard score, and I know. Blue is the colour.

Stand Up For The Champions!

Also published here.

Ambedkar Stadium was the place to be in New Delhi yesterday, as India retained the Nehru Cup to continue their dominance at the event since it's revival in 2007. New Delhi didn't disappoint, as people turned out in large numbers to pack the entire stadium, with hundreds watching from balconies and tree tops, and several stranded outside the stadium gates.

The AIFF's decision to hand out free passes to the public turned out to be a good decision, as the atmosphere inside the ground was nothing less than electric, although it did lead to some confusion which saw many ticket-holders stranded outside the stadium. However, every person inside the arena got their money's and time's worth.

The game had everything. A vociferous crowd, a committed and energetic home team, a higher-ranked and superior opponent, crunching tackles, missed chances, quality free kicks, last minute equalizers, and eventually, the drama of a penalty shootout. Even if it wasn't exactly a giant-killing act, India upset the Syrians, just as they did two years ago.

The men in blue ran their legs off during the course of the game, and rattled the visitors at every opportunity. A prime example of the above was skipper Bhaichung Bhutia, who did much more than just play football on the night. The Sikkimese Sniper was in the Syrians' faces at all times, giving them as good as he got, showing the opponents that his wasn't a team that could be bullied into submission. He personified a newfound aggression and confidence in the Indian team, and showed who the boss was on the pitch.

India's constant hassling, pressing, and closing down of their opponents was also a major factor, in winning possession back, as well as irritating and frustrating the Syrians, which eventually made up for the gulf in quality between the two teams. India created many clear cut chances too, but failed to convert any, which was primarily down to profligate finishing and poor decision-making in the final third. Sunil Chhetri had a disappointing outing, especially when you compare it with his immense performance in the last final he played in, against Tajikistan in the AFC Challenge Cup last year. But the local boy still did work hard and win a number of long balls.

NP Pradeep and Climax didn't have a great game offensively either, but dug deep and were comparitively strong in defence. India's main attacking threat came down the flanks, especially the right wing through Steven Dias, who did rahter well in the first half. Anthony Pereira's was a case of "all talent but no end product", as he won back possession several times, went past players, but his final cross or pass was off the mark.

As expected, the back four were always under threat from a quality Syrian attacking force, with both Surkumar and Gourmangi Singh looking shaky at times, whereas Anwar and Mahesh Gawli were more solid and consistent. However, they did manage to keep the Syrians out until injury time after extra time, so it's evident that there was no shortage of commitment and energy from the defenders.

But there were two stars yesterday, who produced moments of sheer quality to win India the tournament. The first half of extra time saw India tiring a little bit, and Bob Houghton rather belatedly made the change, bringing on Renedy Singh for Anthony Pereira. The substitution worked like a charm, as the Manipuri winger buried a superb free kick just inside the near post, bending it over the Syrian wall and past their keeper. Very Beckham-esque in its execution, the freekick had seemingly wrapped up the victory for the Indians, but for a last-ditch equalizer by the visitors, that took the game to penalties.

And then stepped up the second, and definitely the bigger of the two star performers. Subrata Paul didn't have the best of seasons domestically, as he was frequently left on the bench for East Bengal, but his performances for the national team have never been in doubt. He was one of the best players at the AFC Challenge Cup last year, and was immense between the sticks throughout this edition of the Nehru Cup. Even before the final went to penalties, the Bengal lad was assured and solid, coming out to collect many crosses and long balls bravely.

In the shootout, though, he was a class apart. He made three saves out of six, and the first and third saves would have made any goalkeeper in the world proud. He pointed to the skies after every save, signalling that it wasn't him but some other power which saved the penalty, but that was just him being modest. The celebrations that followed after the third save wont leave an Indian football fan's memory anytime soon, and why should it?

It was an evening to remember, when Indian football rose above it's long-standing problems and issues, and showed everyone that it's here, to be counted. And more than the rest of the world, the players showed it to themselves, and their fans. It was the Indian fan's victory, who supported his team right till the end, and got back what he deserved.

This is the moment. Be proud of Indian football.

Platini, Don't Make The Bias So Obvious!

Ronaldo prepares for take-off.

First things first. Eduardo Da Silva did dive against Celtic at the Emirates Stadium on Wednesday, and then converted the penalty to give the Gunners the lead. Whether he dove to win a penalty, or get out of the tackle, or fall because he expected a tackle, I don't know. He didn’t make an appeal to the referee or anything of that sort, but all in all, it was a yellow card offence. And now, the Brazilian faces a two-match ban for an offence that is committed every weekend in every league in the world, and has been happening for years on end.

Eduardo is not who one would call a dishonest player. Prior to the game against Celtic, never has one seen any instance of him cheating or misbehaving on the pitch, and this isn't just out of sympathy to the man who had his leg broken less than two years ago thanks to a career-threatening tackle. But, he did seem to dive, although it's evident that he hasn't mastered the art as well as some of his more glamourous friends in the football world, who have gotten away with it many a time.

Didier Drogba, Steven Gerrard, Michael Owen, Alan Shearer, Wayne Rooney, Emmanuel Adebayor, Deco, Nicolas Anelka, Ryan Babel, Ruud Van Nistelrooy, and the best of them all, Cristiano Ronaldo. The list is endless. Would you say Eduardo is at par with the others in that list, when it comes to trying to con the referee? No. But, interestingly, he's not half as glamourous or famous as the others, and to make things worse, isn't English either.

Arsene Wenger has come out in defence of Eduardo, calling UEFA's charge against his striker a "witch-hunt", and I can understand where he comes from. Arsenal have suffered considerably in recent years because of simulation, never more so when Wayne "The ultimate professional" Rooney took the plunge at Old Trafford's hallowed turf in 2004, which ended the Invincibles' unbeaten run. Ryan Babel fell to the floor all too easily at Anfield in a Champions League quarter final in 2008, which gave Liverpool the win on the night. Also, in recent times, Didier Drogba, one of the strongest men in the Premier League, collapsed to the ground due to what can only be construed as a gentle breeze at the Emirates, winning the free kick that gave Chelsea the lead.

First of all, I don't understand how Uefa has chosen this particular incident to be worth the retrospective punishment, as the penalty wasn't even the deciding factor in the tie. Celtic had two shots on target throughout the 180 minutes of football they played against Arsenal, and the Gunners won the tie 5-1 on aggregate. Celtic players and their fans, obviously disappointed with the result and their performance, turned emotionally to the penalty incident, in an attempt to hide from their own flaws and lack of quality. As Wenger pointed out, a number of Scottish officials do work at UEFA, and I needn't say more. Can every Celtic player put his hand up and say that he has never dived in his entire career? I’m sure even a Celtic fan knows the answer to this one.

Would UEFA have levelled a similar charge if the player in question was Wayne Rooney? Or Steven Gerrard? Hell no! Arsenal players are always a soft target for the officials, because of their less-glamourous image and low-key persona. Also, there's something of an Arsenal obsession within the media, for whatever they do, whether it's a young player who makes an entry into the squad (Wilshere, Walcott), their transfer policies, or if it's a string of bad results. The media loves to talk about Arsenal, and there’s no reason they will stop now.

James Lawton of "The Independent" has written an article on this incident, and when he claims Robert Pires' dive against Pompey a few years back to be the "ultimate example of shameless diving", it's for everyone to see how Arsenal are vilified oh-so-easily by the British media. Pires has since been branded a diver, and Eduardo might be too, for this one incident. When Owen wins a controversial penalty, it's termed "clever", when Rooney or Gerrard go down, they are called professionals, who want to win at all costs, but God forbid, if it’s an Arsenal player, he has committed an offence which will be described as the death of football.

Diving should be eradicated from the sport, and I'm all for it. If Eduardo becomes the fall guy, then Arsenal fans must accept it, but UEFA, be mindful of the fact that all Arsenal fans will observe your reaction to every dive in the Champions League very carefully from now on, and would like to see each and every player, whether it's Cristiano Ronaldo or Zlatan Ibrahimovic, treated the same way.

Till then, I'm on the lookout for any clips which involve a Celtic player taking the plunge.

Ten Things Not To Do On Facebook

1. Never 'like' your own status message. The fact that you've put it up tells the rest that you love what you've written anyway.

2. If you have nothing to say, don't torture the rest with status messages like "X is bored", or "....". Facebook allows you to have no status message. Why infect others with your boredom unnecessarily?

3. Showing off is not what Facebook was made for. Status messages notifying your friends which laptop/mobile phone you just bought or which car you just drove can only lower your stock.

4. Quizzes. Take as many as would satisfy your freakish hunger, but spare your poor friends from reading the results of "Which body part are you?" or "What kind of sex are you?". It's not what they log on for.

5. Links are good. But spamming, no. It's understandable you want everyone to see what you've posted, but once on someone's wall is more than enough. Don't force the rest to "hide" you.

6. Steer clear of the "Write something about yourself" section while making your profile. There's absolutely nothing you can write there that would make you look good.

7. It's nice to be romantic, but in private. Exchanging mushy statements on Facebook can only make the other 300+ people reading it uncomfortable.

8. Why write something on Facebook that noone can understand? If it's that baffling or something known only to you, keep it to yourself and spare everyone the temporary bewilderment.

9. Many people have mastered the art of the profile picture. The cool, unfazed and carefree glance into the distance, as if you have no idea a photo is being clicked at that very moment. But as the politicians will tell you, the aam junta is smart these days, and can call your bluff.

10. The "Yo" pose for a photograph is also a thing of the past. However, it can still be used for comic relief. Refer to Ankur Sinha or YNV Bharat's pictures on how to master the use the pose for such purposes.

Disclaimer: This piece, strangely enough, does not necessarily reflect the views of the author. It's just a result of persistent boredom, and an attempt at cynicism. No comment is aimed at any individual, living or dead. If it seems so, it's purely co-incidental. Also, the author realizes he himself has violated many of the above postulates. :-)

The Difference Between Men & Babies? 90 Minutes.

The "men" in the semi finals were reduced to mere toddlers in Rome, as Barcelona walked all over a helpless Manchester United side to emerge, deservedly, the Champions of Europe. There's a very fine line between confidence and arrogance, pride and haughtiness, but also a fine divide between champions and runners-up, and United were the latter in all three examples listed above.

Barcelona can thank Arsenal for Manchester United's tactically cavalier approach to the Champions League final, because the two legs of the semi final probably led to the Red Devils overestimating themselves. Patrice Evra's comments after the semi finals were a disgrace, and lacked any respect whatsoever to a team that had beaten United as recently as this season. And it were these comments that reflected an over-confidence of sorts in their dressing room among the players, and the manager.

Chelsea were fantastic against Barca in both legs of the semi finals, and for all the 'anti-football' talk, which I think is pure bollocks, they were the ones who created more chances at Stamford Bridge. In fact, the Catalans didn't even have a single shot on target until Iniesta unleashed his right foot upon West London. The Blues showed just how Barcelona could be stopped, and even put under pressure, at least till before injury time.

To be fair to United, they stuck to their principles in the final, and planned on playing their own game, which they believed was good enough to beat the Spanish champions. In honesty, United's attacking play is good enough to breach Barca's defence, but the individuals that consitute that attack weren't at their best in Rome. Darren Fletcher, it has to be said, was sorely missed. His energy and drive in midfield were the one of the prime reasons Arsenal stood no chance in the semis, and a 36-year-old Ryan Giggs could in no way replace the energy Fletcher brings to the table. Paul Scholes would have probably been the better replacement, as he's a proper central midfielder, and has the ability to control the ball well and retain possession.

The exclusion of Carlos Tevez from United's starting line up has always baffled me. The Argentine is a class act, one who can pressurize defences with his pace and energy, and even though Park ji Sung scored against Arsenal, he's nowhere near Tevez in terms of quality. However, I doubt any of these changes would have changed the final result in any way, because in truth, everyone in the United lineup had an off-day. Ronaldo was utterly wasteful, Rooney was ineffective, whereas Carrick and Anderson were merely steamrolled by Xavi and Iniesta.

The two Spaniards played like artists yesterday, drawing moves with precise brushstrokes, while letting the likes of Eto'o and Messi provide the final touches. Messi wasn't the star-man yesterday, as most news reports are proclaiming, but it was this duo in midfield, which was at the heart of everything good Barca did offensively. Before the final began, the key for United in my opinion was how Carrick would be able to break up Barca's attacks and deal with Xavi and Iniesta, and with that battle being totally one-sided, the match was as good as over.

Also, a word must be said for a largely makeshift defence that the Catalans put out last night. Marquez, Alves, and Abidal were all either injured or suspended for the final, which meant that Pique was partnered by erstwhile midfielder Yaya Toure, resulting in captain Carles Puyol being shifted to right back. Also, Abidal was replaced by 35-year-old Sylvinho, a former Arsenal fullback. However, all four of them dealt with United's attacks superbly, barring the opening seven minutes of the match. Pique, in particular, was immense, clearing any danger immediately in the Barca penalty area. The lad has now won back-to-back Champions League titles. Very few footballers, even those who have gone through their entire careers, can boast of that!

Everyone talks about how Arsenal pass the ball around superbly, and are pretty to watch, but Barcelona have taken that same brand of football many levels higher. The passing is unbelievable, and it's fascinating to watch all these players stay amazingly calm in possession, and choose their next pass carefully. Also, at the same time, they concentrate on the defensive side of their game very seriously, and have a highly capable defence, which doesn't always get the credit it deserves.

In short, teams all around Europe should quickly realize that this Barcelona side means business, and will get even better next year. They are the best team in Europe, and the world, at the moment, and deserved this triumph. Meanwhile, for the team from Old Trafford, it's been a phenomenal season as well, having won three trophies, including the Premiership. Also, this result might go a long way in bringing Fergie's men back to Earth, which seemed necessary in the light of recent events.

For as we've seen, it only takes 90 minutes for "men" to turn into "babies".

IPL: The Unforgettables I

The IPL had it all. Cheerleaders, bollywood music, bollywood superstars, an R&B sensation, corporate hotshots, mystery bloggers, and the small matter of a cricket league. One thing it didn't have, though, was a commentary team who stuck to the basics. Cricket commentary plummetted to new lows in the recently-concluded tournament, with sights never seen before, and some we never hope to witness again!

More than just that, the IPL had its share of unforgettable moments away from the cricketing side of things. Here are ten such incidents, and please add your own through comments!


1) Bruno, The Rugby Star!

In case you don't know who or what Bruno is, just take your memory back to 18th April, the day the IPL began, and the first game between Chennai Super Kings and Mumbai Indians. Still clueless? Hint: He's a dog. Ah! The German Shepherd (That's what he looked like) was the biggest star on Day One of the the 2nd IPL, which otherwise saw slightly one-sided matches and rainy weather.

He wandered onto the pitch early in the first innings and stayed on for what seemed like an eternity, with neither food nor fear luring him away from the playing turf. However, the one lasting memory of the dastardly dog would be that of him getting away just when one of the security guards thought that a tackle would be the best way to get the mutt off the ground! Imagine if Bruno had a rugby ball in his mouth, he wouldn't be caught till he went into touch!

2) LS On The Slide

This definitely is one of the most memorable moments of this IPL, if you managed to catch it live on television. Forty four-year-old Laxman Sivaramakrishnan, or LS, as he had popularly come to be known during WC 2003, climbed up the ladder of an inflatable slide set up for the kids in the crowd, talking to millions of viewers across India through his microphone as he got up. My heart skipped a beat as the skinniest commentator in the world took the plunge and slid down the other side of the structure. But the former India spinner played safe, and made his way down in a RIP position, although the device his earpiece was connected to came out of the back of his shirt midway through his adventure! A classic, and one of those things you would never expect to witness!

3) Was Fake The Real Deal?

The Fake IPL Player blog was a raging success during the tournament, and saw almost 8,000 followers on the site, but who was he? The writer chickened out right at the end, after promising to disclose his identity. What's pretty clear, though, is that he isn't a part of the Kolkata Knight Riders squad. When he revealed his exact location during KKR's match with Chennai in one of his posts, it was clear that he wasn't a player. Now whether he's a journo who has close ties with someone in the squad, or just an uber-creative cricket freak sitting in India, only time will tell. However, a bug thumbs up to him for some non-stop entertainment. He should really write a book, like he says in his video.

4) Jeremy Coney Does The Cha-Cha!

Firstly, I had very little idea about who Jeremy Coney was, but the man who was commentating in South Africa behaved nothing like a former "Wisden Cricketer of the Year" should. Yes, the IPL is all about cricket-ainment, and I'm all for it to be brutally honest, but a line has to be drawn, maybe till before Coney's feet. The former Kiwi skipper made it up to the stage where the CSK cheerleaders were strutting their stuff, and joined in for one of the most bizarre dance routines you will ever see! To add to his adventures with the Chennai side, he even sang one of the team's slogans from a sheet of paper next to percussionist Sivamani, who slapped his own face constantly to provide the beats!

5) Rudi Better Than Shastri Or Raja

One of the lasting memories of the IPL final was that South African umpire Rudi Koertzen kicked things off by asking the Bullring if they were "ready". And to be honest, his adventure with the microphone went off much better than Ravi Shastri's or Rameez Raja's! Shastri has been an embarrassment at every toss he's overseen since the last IPL, where he's tried everything from "Are you ready?" to "Aaj ki party korbe?" Rameez Raja tried more of the same, but he couldn't even evoke the slightest of responses from the crowd on most occasions, once having to say "They're not so ready at the moment". Koertzen at the toss, please!

6) NO MORE MANDIRA!

Sorry for the caps, but it only signifies how strongly I feel about this. Not even slightly attractive anymore, Mandira Bedi has nothing left to offer on cricket shows. Her stint in '03 was a hit for two main reasons. One, having a woman on the show was an entirely new concept, and that it helped attract male viewers a bit more than Charu Sharma did (!). Two, she was the earnest student of the sport on the show, which helped many female viewers understand the game better. Now, she behaves like an expert herself, and has the interviewing skills of an umbrella. Add to that her flirting with Danny Morrison and Rameez Raja, and we have a repulsive television programme.

7) Give Miss Bollywood A Miss

To be fair to the organizers, this wasn't the worst initiative, but the way they handled it was a little comical. Picking a pretty girl during every match and interviewing her on camera only provides a bit of glamour which all of us love, but making her gyrate in front of the camera for 30 seconds non-stop is plain embarrassing for the poor girl! And what was worse was that the eventual winner looked extremely scary in that fashion show in the closing ceremony!

8) I'd Rather Have Danny Denzongpa

What is it with Kiwi commentators at the IPL? One major reason why commentating standards came down this time was Danny Morrison. The former pacemen is reminiscent of compatriot Ian Smith in his accent and voice, and might be right in a lot of stuff he says about cricket, but most of his energies are focussed on freaky dialogues and acts. The interview with the CSK cheerleader almost on his lap wasn't even funny, and just trivializes everything going on at the IPL. Like the heading says, if entertainment is all that Morrison has to worry about, why not hire Danny Denzongpa? Come on, wouldn't that just be hilarious!

9) Commentary, Brought To You By...

Throughout the IPL, we were subject to an overdose of sponsor-pleasing by the entire commentary team, whether it be thanking the sponsors before every game began, or irritating every viewer so much by calling every darn six a "DLF Maximum", that one wished the batsmen hit only fours. Another low point was every commentator, including the seemingly reluctant Sunil Gavaskar, calling every other wicket a "Citi Moment of Success", which has only resulted in Citibank losing a lot of credibility in the market. The pick of all the comments though, was Robin Jackman describing a dropped catch as "A Citi Moment of Disaster". Ha!

10) Katrina Rules, Even In SA

The closing ceremony was threatening to become one long bore, but just as I was wishing goodbye to the IPL for the final time this year, she came on stage and looked ravishing enough for me to wait on for a little while longer! Although the original version of "Jai Ho" would have been better to dance on, who cares when Katrina's the one gyrating? She was the highlight of a show in which Akon only lip-synced, and Eddie Grant looked more bored than the audience itself. I'm sure the entire Deccan squad would rather have her as their trophy than that piece of monstrosity they were presented by Lalit Modi.

Special Mention...

The entire IPL, like last season, was made just that bit more interesting for me by Super Selector, a fantasy game on the web. And it is this game that made me laugh the hardest during the tournament, when it revealed to me that Sri Lankan fast bowler Dilhara Fernando's full name is "Randi Dilhara Fernando". That's right, that's exactly what it is! I just want to thank the guys at Super Selector for publishing his name in its entirety, which hadn't been done up till now! No offence Dilhara. :-)

IPL Team Of The Season '09

The Deccan Chargers were crowned champions of the 2nd Indian Premier League last night, and deservedly so. The Chargers came back after an embarrassing opening season last year to notch up some memorable performances in South Africa, and completed the dream turnaround by holding their nerve in a tense final in Jo'berg.

One can't help but feel for Bangalore, their skipper Kumble, whose dejected walk back to the pavilion after the final delivery was heartbreaking to see, and owner Vijay Mallya as well, who skipped the most important F1 race of the year to be with this team. However, Gilly's men deserved their victory, as they stayed calm when it mattered, and won all the 50-50 moments when it came to the crunch.

The tournament has seen some brilliant performances with bat and ball, but before I get to my favourite performanced, I've listed my own "IPL Team of the Season '09" below. Go on, have a look, and leave your own team in the comments.

Matthew Hayden (CSK/Aus) - The burly Queenslander was at his imperious best throughout the tournament, and was perhaps why the Chennai Super Kings got as far as they did. The team's middle order didn't perform up to scratch, but Hayden's form made all of that irrelevant. He wore the Orange Cap right through these 6 weeks, even though he played only 12 games in all. How Australia would be wishing he hadn't retired, especially with the Ashes coming up.

Adam Gilchrist (DC/Aus) - It's an all-Aussie opening pair, and one that's won many a match for the Baggy Greens. Gilchrist has done a "Warne", if I may say so, this season. Even though the Chargers have their match-winners, the team had embarrassed itself last year, and it required an entirely new coaching staff, along with the formal declaration of Gilly as captain, to turn it all around. Perhaps the absence of Shahid Afridi also helped (Grin). And as a batsman too, Gilly shone the brightest in his team, with his semi final knock being the innings of the tournament. Also, he is my captain for this XI.

Suresh Raina (CSK/Ind) - If there's one established Indian batsman who has truly done himself any justice with his performances in this IPL, it's Raina. He notched up 434 runs, behind only Hayden, Gilly, and De Villiers, and hence was the highest Indian run-scorer in the tournament. At the same time, he scored all those runs at a highly impressive strike rate of 140, which makes him a perfect No.3 in this team.

AB De Villers (DD/SA) - The Delhi Daredevils' batting order has been something of a mixed bag. Last season, while Sehwag, Gambhir, and to an extent Dhawan were going all guns blazing, De Villiers, Dilshan, Karthik and co struggled. This year, it's the exact opposite, with the South African being their top scorer, with a series of crucial knocks which saved the team from the capital, including the brilliant century, the first of the tournament.

Tillakaratne Dilshan (DD/SL) - I never rated Dilshan too highly before this tournament, but I stand corrected. He and De Villiers's combined for more than 43% of Delhi's runs, and the Sri Lankan looked like a man on a mission whenever he went out to bat. He threw caution to the wind almost all the time, going gung-ho, especially on the off side. If there was one player in the Delhi side who really wanted to win this tournament, it was Dilshan, and it showed on his face and in his body language in every game. He ended up as the Daredevil's second-highest run scorer, and was economical in his bowling as well.

JP Duminy (MI/SA) - One of the rising stars in world cricket, big things were expected of JP Duminy when the Mumbai Indians snapped him up at the 2nd IPL auction for a whopping $950,000 , and he didn't disappoint. He was one of the few expensive players who lived up to their auction price, and scored five fifties in the tournament, along with bowling at an economy rate of 5.31. Andrew Symonds was also a contender for the spot, but Duminy, having played the entire tournament, seemed the better choice.

Irfan Pathan (KXIP/Ind) - Irfan Pathan is a world-class cricketer, more so in T20 cricket. His batting is perfectly suited to the shortest format of the game, and he's developed a knack for picking wickets and keeping his cool when bowling in tight situations. He picked up 17 wickets in all, and scored 196 runs at an average of almost 20, which is commendable for a man coming in at No.7, mostly towards the end-overs.

Pragyan Ojha (DC/Ind) - Ojha's gone from strength to strength since he emerged in this very tournament last year, and should definitely be in India's first XI in the World Twenty20 coming up in England. His run-up and action aren't as smooth as they should be, but it doesn't matter, as he outwits the batsman time again with his variations in flight and pace, and can turn the ball a long way too. He topped it all off with a fine performance in the final, picking three crucial wickets to help his side defend a modest total.

Anil Kumble (RCB/Ind) - It's been one hell of a roller-coaster ride for India's very own Mr.Cricket in the last 6 weeks, which unfortunately ended in heartbreak. The way he led the Bangalore side in the second half of the tournament was admirable, and was probably why the team did start performing well, and even a sterling performance with the ball in the final didn't turn out to be good enough. Even a Hyderabad fan wouldn't have liked to see Apple Crumble lose, but the fact that he could get his side into the final, and complement that with some fine bowling performances, speaks volumes of his talent and character, even at this age.

RP Singh (DC/Ind) - RP Singh is just one of those bowlers who looks like he's got nothing special in his armoury, but manages to pick up bucketfuls of wickets. Ravi Shastri always describes the U.P lad as a "skiddy customer", which is possibly true. He's got that gift of picking up wickets, but he's also added a bit of intelligence to his bowling, which meant that he went for fewer runs per over than last season. Another one who should start every game for India in the upcoming World Cup.

Lasith Malinga (MI/SL) - To be fair, I could have chosen either Nehra or Nannes for this spot, but I've gone for Malinga to lend a bit of variety to the attack, and also for his excellent economy rate. He didn't have the best second half of the tournament, but was phenomenal in the first month, which probably explains why Mumbai's challenge was on course midway through, but petered out towards the end.

Who's Your Daddy Now?

That's what Rahul Gandhi must be wanting to say to the BJP now, isn't it? Forever mocked and ridiculed by his political counterparts, Rahul Gandhi, in most cases, has maintained a dignified silence, and even the rare retort, when used, has been precise and not dramatic in any way. However, his response to the BJP-led NDA on 16th May, 2009 was more dramatic than anything they could ever say. It reads something like this:

UPA - 261, NDA - 159.

The day before counting began, BJP spokesperson Ravi Shankar Prasad came out in front of the press, and declared, with a firm voice and unwavering confidence, that the BJP would emerge to be the single largest party, and the NDA the largest pre-poll alliance. And not only did he just declare it in front of reporters from all over the country, he repeated it louder every time. Apparently, and very strangely, the BJP had done an exit poll of their own, which led him to believe whatever he was mouthing in front of the media.

Twenty four hours later, those statements were made to look as ridiculous as L.K.Advani's face (Sorry I couldn't resist saying that), which we haven't seen since the results came out. Let's call a spade a spade, and unanimously agree that the public has voted for a Congress-led government. Even the most staunch of BJP supporters would agree to that, barring the one or two who tend to be different for the sake of being different. And, as many people have been saying it already, what was more interesting is the number of mini-battles the UPA won all over the country, which helped the result to be what it is.

And by far, the most shocking result among the states this time around, was the one in West Bengal. Bengal has been the left front's bastion for decades, and even in the last LS polls, the left gathered as many as 26 seats, with the current victors Trinamool Congress bagging just one. However, a lot has happened in the last five years, notably Nandigram, which meant that rural Bengal, which was the left's stronghold, was willing to look elsewhere for hope, which the TMC has capitalised on brilliantly. It rode the nationwide pro-congress wave, in the end bagging 19 seats, which along with the Congress' 6, makes it 25 for the UPA, while the left could garner only 15.

Mamata Banerjee has since said that her party isn't interested in ministerial berths, and I hope she's being brutally honest, because this is an oppourtunity of a lifetime for her party to cement their place in West Bengal, especially with the assembly elections coming up in a couple of years. She, her party, and the Congress, must make sure that enough attention is paid to the Bengali's demands so that the left can finally be well and truly driven out of Bengal in another two years.

Moving out of Bengal, the result than stunned almost everyone was Uttar Pradesh, and the fact that the Congress emerged as the second largest party in the state with 21 seats, closely following the Samajwadi Party, who bagged 23. As blared across all news channels for the past few days, the credit for their resurgence in what is technically the most important state in the LS polls, goes to a certain Rahul Gandhi. It was his decision to let the party go it alone in UP, and it was under his leadership that the party worked tirelessly to regain credibility in the state. And he has done it emphatically, against all odds. The best way i can put it is, that the BJP called him a baccha, but he turned out to be sabka baap!

Rahul Gandhi isn't a very good politician, and probably never will be, but in that very sentence lies his USP. The quiet, intellectual scion of the Congress party comes across as an essentially apolitical man, a quality so sought after in politicians by the educated Indian voter. His earnestness, dedication, and sheer honesty as a soldier of the party over the past few years has been inspiring, with the current results being enough to shut every opposition leader's mouth, at least when it comes to him. He has given the Congress party a new face, an element of freshness, and along with Sonia Gandhi, a vision for the future.

And it is his apolitical nature that the Congress is imbibing over the past few years, and especially in the run up to these polls. While the UPA concentrated on national issues during their campaigns and only rarely responded to personal jibes, the BJP went all over the country bad-mouthing Dr.Manmohan Singh, and the entire Gandhi family. The Congress were telling the people why to vote for them, while the BJP were telling the people why NOT to vote for the Congress. They had very little to say about their own vision and plans for the country, and instead, thought that they had found easy prey in the Prime Minister, who had maintained silence throughout the last five years.

Surprisingly,the BJP will never get over Sonia Gandhi. Don't they realize that an anti-Sonia campaign will not work? Five years ago, they kept calling her a foreigner and an Italian, and now they call her the "real" Prime Minister. In my opinion, Sonia Gandhi distances herself from the government, and does so very smartly. She has stayed well in the background right through the government's tenure, and has concentrated on the nitty-gritties of party politics. She is the Congress President, but Manmohan Singh is the Prime Minister, and they have divided their responsibilities very well between themselves.

And even if we believe the BJP, and believe that our Prime Minister hasn't even taken nature's call before a signed permission from Mrs.Gandhi in the last five years, how does that even concern the opposition? What should concern the BJP is national security, the global recession, inflation in food prices, agricultural issues among many others, not the Congress' in-house problems. Manmohan Singh is the best Prime Minister India could have at the moment, and Sonia Gandhi has proved once again, that when it comes to party politics, she has outshone her more experienced counterparts, and has done so without uttering a word.

The Congress has been successful in projecting an apolitical image, an image of humility and stability, while the BJP came off badly as the sore losers, who could talk about nothing else but Manmohan Singh, and his apparent "weakness" as a Prime Minister. Who is a weak Prime Minister? A man who refuses to get drawn into personal arguments? A man who likes to keep quiet and get on with his job? A man who is prepared to let go of his coalition partners for the good of the nation?

It takes great self-control and strength of character to resist the BJP's childish accusations and the Left's arrogance, but Mr.Singh has done it with a lot of grace and dignity. If anything, he has only come to be known as a strong Prime Minister over the past five years, one who is erudite, calm, and honest. He was quiet when the dynamics of coalition politcs demanded so, and was stubborn when his conscience asked him to, like in the case of the nuclear deal.

The BJP need to go back to the drawing board, or, as some experts are saying, need a new drawing board altoghether. The mixed signals from within the party, especially related to Narendra Modi being their next PM candidate, seems to have turned off many voters too, and the party will have to be very careful with how they project Modi over the next 5 years. A change of guard is definitely needed, and the next set of decisions the party takes will be some of the most important decisions it has taken in a long time.

Meanwhile, the stage is set for the Congress party, and make no mistake, the spotlight's entirely on them for the next five years, with no Left Front liable to be blamed for any incident. But if there's a troika I would trust to pull this off, it's the one at the helm of the Congress. The challenge has only begun.

Bowling - Kolkata's Achilles' Heel

The Kolkata Knight Riders have had a catastrophic second season in the Indian Premier League, and that's just me being polite. However, as you already would know, it was a disaster waiting to happen, more than anything else. While the other teams kept a low profile, practiced hard in the nets, and worked out the balance of their side, KKR couldn't even come to a conclusion on who their captain would be. Or did they?

Conspiracy theorists went all over town proclaiming that Brendon McCullum's ascendance to captaincy was pre-planned, and was Buchanan's plan all along. Apparently Ganguly, considered to be "too old" for Twenty20 (Despite being the franchise's top scorer and most economical bowler last season), didn't fit into the big Aussie's scheme of things anymore, and the coach used his multi-captain theory only as a way to soften the blow for Dada, and his infinite fans in Kolkata. The team's preparations, and the cricket side of things, were totally overshadowed by this controversy, and it seems that the team hasn't recovered since, with their only victory being thanks to two English gentleman who have confused spectators like no other over the past decade.

The post-mortem of the outright failure of the most glamourous team in the IPL could go on and on, so I'll cut a long story short and look at a few numbers, and explain why I think Buchanan and co. have left their thinking caps in Australia. Mashrafe Mortaza, Bangladesh's star cricketer, was bought for a whopping $600,000 at the 2nd IPL auction, after a long bidding war with King's XI Punjab, which led people to believe that KKR really wanted this player. Five months on, the Bangla Tiger (Fake IPL Player reference) is yet to make even a single appearance for the team, and is reportedly very frustrated with how things stand at the moment.

Buchanan explained the bowling all-rounder's exclusion as a part of their "batting strategy", as they wanted to strengthen that area of their game. The table speaks for itself when it comes to gauging how much that strategy has actually worked, but not once have Buchanan and his men shown any pro-activeness, creativity, or even an intention of re-thinking their strategy. While KKR's batting has been decent in most games, the team's bowling is, as the English would put it, pure bollocks. I looked up a few numbers, and here are the total number of wickets each team in the IPL has taken thus far. Note that I've discounted all rain-curtailed innings, and that all the stats hence forth are updated up till 13th May.

(Total Wkts, Wkts/Inn)

DD - (64, 7.11)
CSK - (60, 6.66)
RR - (63, 6.3)
DC - (68, 6.18)
MI - (57, 5.7)
KXP - (49, 5.44)
RCB - (48, 4.36)
KKR - (40, 4)

What these numbers do is bring to light one of the main reasons why KKR is playing a rather lonely IPL, with no team even near it in the table, and also why Delhi reign at the top. The Knight Riders have gathered a miserly four wickets per innings in the 10 innings they've bowled, which is why they haven't been able to defend even a single total they've put up on the board. The glaring example of why they're faltering this year was the last game against fellow-strugglers Bangalore, when Shahrukh's men couldn't even defend 173, despite having their opposition on the mat at one stage. "Strike Bowler" Ishant Sharma went for 40 runs in his four overs, including 19 in his last over, which essentially turned the game in favour of the Challengers.

Meanwhile, the batting, which was appalling in a select few games, has been competitive most of the time. KKR have chased only four times this season, beating Punjab once through the D/L Method, losing to the Rajasthan Royals in the Super Over after scoring 150/8 to tie the game, and scoring 95 all out and 139/6 against Mumbai.

While batting first, their scores have been:

101, 123/8, 139/6, 153/3, 154/3, 173/4

Clearly, at least four of those scores are competitive, and in South Africa, defendable. To add to that, I'll also put forth some more numbers. This time, it's the average runs scored by every team when batting:

Runs/Innings

CSK - 166.77
DC - 150.45
DD - 150
KXP - 147.5
MI - 144.2
RCB - 141.54
KKR - 136.33
RR - 130.6


To be honest, this isn't the most accurate of statistics, as the team batting second can only score as much as they're required to, but still, it does give an idea of the fact that batting isn't KKR's biggest weakness. In fact, Semi final contenders and defending champions Rajasthan Royals have managed the feat of finishing below KKR in this table!

Meanwhile, here are the total wickets lost by every team per innings:

(Total Wkts Lost, Wkts Lost/Innings)

DD - (42, 4.66)
CSK - (51, 5.66)
MI - (59, 5.9)
KXP - (61, 6.1)
KKR - (58, 6.44)
DC - (73, 6.63)
RR - (69, 6.9)
RCB - (78, 7.09)

Kolkata find themselves in 5th position in that list, unbelievable for a side so far behind the rest that people forget it's still competing in the tournament! Again, it suggests that the batsmen are showing a lot of responsibility while batting, even though they aren't particularly explosive. But they're still batting out the 20 overs, and putting up competitive scores for their bowlers to defend.

However, the team has faltered repeatedly, due to the lack of penetration in its bowling. This IPL is being touted as the "Bowler's IPL", and the key to winning games, especially when defending a total, is early wickets, which brings me to the biggest difference between KKR and the rest - Wickets taken in the first 6 overs.

Here are the total number of wickets taken by teams during the first 6 overs of the innings:

(Total Wickets taken, Wickets taken/Innings) in first 6 overs.

RR - (24, 2.4)
DD - (17, 1.88)
KXP - (17, 1.88)
DC - (19, 1.73)
CSK - (15, 1.66)
MI - (16, 1.6)
RCB - (14, 1.27)
KKR - (7, 0.7)

This is the most glaring difference between KKR and the rest, and something that should actually convince the coaching staff of the team's bowling deficiencies. After a long time, changes were made in the last game against Bangalore, but they were changes that made no sense whatsoever. The team's highest run-getters, Brad Hodge and Morne Van Wyk, were replaced by David Hussey and Angelo Mathews, whereas Ajantha Mendis came in for Moises Henriques. What happened to Mashrafe Mortaza and Charl Langeveldt? Did Shahrukh pay $600,000 just for someone to warm the bench? With all due respect to Mendis, he's not ideally suited to this form of the game. Even Langeveldt is known to be a superb bowler at the death, and one who is capable of picking up wickets. But the team management continues to make obscure decisions, and prefer someone like Mathews, who could hardly hit the deck with the ball, to a wicket-taking bowler such as Mortaza.

With three games remaining, the least the Kolkata Red Riding Hoods (As one friend calls them) can do is prepare for next year, and gather an idea of what their first XI would look like next season. Also, if Buchanan, who is constantly on his laptop, looks up the numbers (which he ought to), hopefully he'll realize that his so-called strategy is all bogus, and holds no substance.

It might just happen that even after bringing in Mortaza/Langeveldt, KKR lose, as they've got a one heck of a talent for it, but the team needs to show some intent to change things, as nothing has worked up till now, and because the current scenario is only embarrassing the most passionate cricket lovers in the country.