IPL: The Unforgettables I

The IPL had it all. Cheerleaders, bollywood music, bollywood superstars, an R&B sensation, corporate hotshots, mystery bloggers, and the small matter of a cricket league. One thing it didn't have, though, was a commentary team who stuck to the basics. Cricket commentary plummetted to new lows in the recently-concluded tournament, with sights never seen before, and some we never hope to witness again!

More than just that, the IPL had its share of unforgettable moments away from the cricketing side of things. Here are ten such incidents, and please add your own through comments!


1) Bruno, The Rugby Star!

In case you don't know who or what Bruno is, just take your memory back to 18th April, the day the IPL began, and the first game between Chennai Super Kings and Mumbai Indians. Still clueless? Hint: He's a dog. Ah! The German Shepherd (That's what he looked like) was the biggest star on Day One of the the 2nd IPL, which otherwise saw slightly one-sided matches and rainy weather.

He wandered onto the pitch early in the first innings and stayed on for what seemed like an eternity, with neither food nor fear luring him away from the playing turf. However, the one lasting memory of the dastardly dog would be that of him getting away just when one of the security guards thought that a tackle would be the best way to get the mutt off the ground! Imagine if Bruno had a rugby ball in his mouth, he wouldn't be caught till he went into touch!

2) LS On The Slide

This definitely is one of the most memorable moments of this IPL, if you managed to catch it live on television. Forty four-year-old Laxman Sivaramakrishnan, or LS, as he had popularly come to be known during WC 2003, climbed up the ladder of an inflatable slide set up for the kids in the crowd, talking to millions of viewers across India through his microphone as he got up. My heart skipped a beat as the skinniest commentator in the world took the plunge and slid down the other side of the structure. But the former India spinner played safe, and made his way down in a RIP position, although the device his earpiece was connected to came out of the back of his shirt midway through his adventure! A classic, and one of those things you would never expect to witness!

3) Was Fake The Real Deal?

The Fake IPL Player blog was a raging success during the tournament, and saw almost 8,000 followers on the site, but who was he? The writer chickened out right at the end, after promising to disclose his identity. What's pretty clear, though, is that he isn't a part of the Kolkata Knight Riders squad. When he revealed his exact location during KKR's match with Chennai in one of his posts, it was clear that he wasn't a player. Now whether he's a journo who has close ties with someone in the squad, or just an uber-creative cricket freak sitting in India, only time will tell. However, a bug thumbs up to him for some non-stop entertainment. He should really write a book, like he says in his video.

4) Jeremy Coney Does The Cha-Cha!

Firstly, I had very little idea about who Jeremy Coney was, but the man who was commentating in South Africa behaved nothing like a former "Wisden Cricketer of the Year" should. Yes, the IPL is all about cricket-ainment, and I'm all for it to be brutally honest, but a line has to be drawn, maybe till before Coney's feet. The former Kiwi skipper made it up to the stage where the CSK cheerleaders were strutting their stuff, and joined in for one of the most bizarre dance routines you will ever see! To add to his adventures with the Chennai side, he even sang one of the team's slogans from a sheet of paper next to percussionist Sivamani, who slapped his own face constantly to provide the beats!

5) Rudi Better Than Shastri Or Raja

One of the lasting memories of the IPL final was that South African umpire Rudi Koertzen kicked things off by asking the Bullring if they were "ready". And to be honest, his adventure with the microphone went off much better than Ravi Shastri's or Rameez Raja's! Shastri has been an embarrassment at every toss he's overseen since the last IPL, where he's tried everything from "Are you ready?" to "Aaj ki party korbe?" Rameez Raja tried more of the same, but he couldn't even evoke the slightest of responses from the crowd on most occasions, once having to say "They're not so ready at the moment". Koertzen at the toss, please!

6) NO MORE MANDIRA!

Sorry for the caps, but it only signifies how strongly I feel about this. Not even slightly attractive anymore, Mandira Bedi has nothing left to offer on cricket shows. Her stint in '03 was a hit for two main reasons. One, having a woman on the show was an entirely new concept, and that it helped attract male viewers a bit more than Charu Sharma did (!). Two, she was the earnest student of the sport on the show, which helped many female viewers understand the game better. Now, she behaves like an expert herself, and has the interviewing skills of an umbrella. Add to that her flirting with Danny Morrison and Rameez Raja, and we have a repulsive television programme.

7) Give Miss Bollywood A Miss

To be fair to the organizers, this wasn't the worst initiative, but the way they handled it was a little comical. Picking a pretty girl during every match and interviewing her on camera only provides a bit of glamour which all of us love, but making her gyrate in front of the camera for 30 seconds non-stop is plain embarrassing for the poor girl! And what was worse was that the eventual winner looked extremely scary in that fashion show in the closing ceremony!

8) I'd Rather Have Danny Denzongpa

What is it with Kiwi commentators at the IPL? One major reason why commentating standards came down this time was Danny Morrison. The former pacemen is reminiscent of compatriot Ian Smith in his accent and voice, and might be right in a lot of stuff he says about cricket, but most of his energies are focussed on freaky dialogues and acts. The interview with the CSK cheerleader almost on his lap wasn't even funny, and just trivializes everything going on at the IPL. Like the heading says, if entertainment is all that Morrison has to worry about, why not hire Danny Denzongpa? Come on, wouldn't that just be hilarious!

9) Commentary, Brought To You By...

Throughout the IPL, we were subject to an overdose of sponsor-pleasing by the entire commentary team, whether it be thanking the sponsors before every game began, or irritating every viewer so much by calling every darn six a "DLF Maximum", that one wished the batsmen hit only fours. Another low point was every commentator, including the seemingly reluctant Sunil Gavaskar, calling every other wicket a "Citi Moment of Success", which has only resulted in Citibank losing a lot of credibility in the market. The pick of all the comments though, was Robin Jackman describing a dropped catch as "A Citi Moment of Disaster". Ha!

10) Katrina Rules, Even In SA

The closing ceremony was threatening to become one long bore, but just as I was wishing goodbye to the IPL for the final time this year, she came on stage and looked ravishing enough for me to wait on for a little while longer! Although the original version of "Jai Ho" would have been better to dance on, who cares when Katrina's the one gyrating? She was the highlight of a show in which Akon only lip-synced, and Eddie Grant looked more bored than the audience itself. I'm sure the entire Deccan squad would rather have her as their trophy than that piece of monstrosity they were presented by Lalit Modi.

Special Mention...

The entire IPL, like last season, was made just that bit more interesting for me by Super Selector, a fantasy game on the web. And it is this game that made me laugh the hardest during the tournament, when it revealed to me that Sri Lankan fast bowler Dilhara Fernando's full name is "Randi Dilhara Fernando". That's right, that's exactly what it is! I just want to thank the guys at Super Selector for publishing his name in its entirety, which hadn't been done up till now! No offence Dilhara. :-)